Sociology Marriage and Family

My Auto-Biography

My name is Althea Mae Apelit, thank you for taking time in visiting my blog. I would like to take you in my life’s journey which I believe is with God’s plan and time and with his blessing I learn what I learn through his guidance (my mother would always say that things happen in God’s own plan and time and that is really the whole point of my blog). 

A baby is a blessing. A gift from the heaven above, a precious little angel, to cherish and love. 

pinterest, 2018

I was born on the 18th of June 1999. Some would say that because i was the only child back then that i received the every attention, and gifts that my parents and grandparents could buy, but my parents especially my mother would instill in me values and learning that some would consider ‘old fashion’ on this day and age, my parents did not forget to instill in me the faith and trust in God.

Our family grew from just being me and my parents to my two little sisters and one little brother. It has been hard fro me to adjust as our family grew because as the only child for six years i now had other siblings to share and to take care of. As i grew up there are things that i cannot or choose not to share with my parents in addition to my so called ‘adjustment period’ by some, friends became my confidant (it does not really mean that i share everything with, its just that they are the people that i would be comfortable enough to be with). My parents and I would always argue especially my mother because my father is not home most of the time and the only person i can have an argument is my mother (don’t get me wrong I understand my father’s work and it has nothing to do with how i was acting when i was a child. My mother and i still do argue but i think unlike before our arguments a more mellow, less intense and i think that somehow there is already an understanding between my mother and I), most of the time because i would like to be alone and because there are things that i choose not to understand and accept like ‘why does the elders always scold me and not my sibling’, ‘why is there this kind of people in our family i thought family is supposed to be united’ ‘why did my grandfather die’, but most importantly is because i thought i don’t know anymore what is love and forgiveness.

I graduated elementary and high school at Concordia College. I always though that I wouldn’t have friends because i believe that i am not worthy to have friends and becuase i thought that people will not last around me, but this friends of mine i would thank God because he guided me to the path wherein i was able to meet them and became a part of my life as i have become theirs. 

As i grew up and entered college i began looking at things in a different perspective. I have said in the previous paragraph that i spent most of school years at Concordia College, it is private catholic school, other than the academic training that the institution gave me they also provided me with learning about my faith the works of God that will guide me as i grew up and enter a different kind of world compared to our younger days. A world wherein faith will be tested as well as our principles. Concordia College have this little chapel inside its four walls, the chapel of the immaculate conception has been always my refuge i have memories in that chapel that i would like to believe is between me and the immaculate conception. Back to my ‘Autobiography’ when i entered college and i became 18 yrs old, there is this one person that even though I do not want to admit really had an impact on me, what that person did, the emotions that person made me feel was not good, it gave me a wake-up call and I began to meditate in the form of having a silent time to myself, I began listening more intently when I go the masses every Sunday and I try to look back at the things and events in the past and began to accept my mistakes and try my best to repent, as well as accept realities that i try to avoid. I try to become a stronger person by accepting the ugly things in life little by little. I remember a priest once told me that we should remind ourselves that if we forget what love is and feel that there is no love around, we just have to look at the altar or the cross, for Jesus is the symbol of love and no matter what happens we have God, Jesus and our faith, at the same time we only have our family to cherish, only one mother, one father, brother and sisters. They can never be replaced.

My Family Love Story

“If he is the one given to you by God, then no matter what happens he will be the one to stay and everything will go smoothly”

My mother

My mother met my father through ‘pen-pal’. My father saw my mother’s picture through an acquaintance, he asked for my mother’s mailing address from then on he sent my mother letters because he is working overseas for a duration of  6 to one year’s span. They first real meeting they had was when my father formally visited my mother in her uncle’s house here in manila. My mother fondly remembers when telling us the story of how they first met, she tells us that she was hiding behind a curtain because she was so shy that my father actually visited her in the house of her uncle. My mother also told me that her uncle was strict and would not allow them to meet in person, but my father face my mother’s uncle and ask a permission to pursue my mother in place of mother’s parents because both my Lolo and Lola in mother’s side live in the province. My mother told us that there was this one date that she arrived just in time but my father was already waiting for her in one the restaurants but she purposely did not go to my father immediately and acted as if she was late but the truth is that she was observing him from a far to see if he will look at his watch or if his face will turn sour or if he is not patient enough to wait for my mother. My mother went back to her parent’s home to ask for my grandparent’s approval for her to have a boyfriend as she was planning to say yes to my father, my grandparents agreed because she was already at the right age and at the same time she have a job. As my parent’s story progress from their courtship days, to them being girlfriend and boyfriend to being married (My father propose using a rose wherein inside there is the ring). 

“For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb”

Psalm 139:13

My parent got married in Our lady of the Abandoned parish Sta. Ana Manila, they had their first child (which is me) on June 18 1999, after i was born we went back to my father’s hometown in Il0-ilo and we stayed there until I was three years old. We moved back to manila when i started attending school, my parents rented the second floor of the house for rent here in manila and from there our family grew, I have one brother that died inside my mother’s stomach (although he was not born I love him very much) his name is Jose Marie (from the names of Joseph and Marry). My first sister was born on November 4 2004 her name is Angelhea June C. Apelit, her name has an “Angel” in it because my parents i believe perceived her as an angel and ask the guardian angel to protect her after what happened to my brother Jose Marie. After she was born my parent’s was able to afford a house of our own and we moved houses on 2009. My second sister was born on May 20 2010 and her name is Andrhea Shea C. Apelit lastly our youngest sibling was born on May 19 2012 his name is Aljon Edric C. Apelit, and because he is the only boy after Jose Marie his first name is a combination of my parents name and his second name is a combination of my tito and lola that passed away. If i were to trace my family’s predominant medical problems it would be for my father’s side my parents would always remind us to be careful because my grandfather Vicente Apelit had a heart attack while my grandmother Segunda Apelit has diabetes and Alzheimer, in my mother’s side my grandfather Guillermo Carnaje have Alzheimer and he is what my mother would call “nerbyoso”  while my grandmother Generosa Carnaje have hypertension.

The Rewards

I believe that God is always in our family’s Journey, we just don’t notice it but here are some events that i can say that God truly did knock into our hearts.

As i have previosly shared in the first paragraph before this, Angelhea is my second sister at first we did not have a agood relationship it was mostly my fault because i would be mean to her all the time.  There was this one time she was crying because she is having a bad experience in school the same as I had experience, it dawned unto me that if I her own sister is mean to her then I cannot protect her and lecture on others not to hurt her. It became a wake-up call for me to establish a better communication and reconciliation with her, I do not want my sister to experience the bad things that I had experience it did not do anything for my mental and emotional health. God intervened when i was able to gain knowledge that i am not the only one hurting and i don’t want my sister to get hurt also.  I can say that today we are still trying to reconcile and work better on a good communication between the both of us.

During her communion last November, i was reminded of the different manifestation of my parent’s love and sacrifice for the family. My mother stopped working to be able to take care of us and focus solely on us while my father is away for months because of his work. I hear my mother say that we should still be thankful even if my father is not present in occasions, because of his sacrifices we were able to have a comfortable life even in this tough world. I believe that God shared our family’s journey in here because it is in his house that i was reminded of my family’s sacrifices and it is in his sacrament of communion I was about to look at that my little sister is growing and i should not make the same mistakes i did to alhea (angelhea’s nickname) when we were younger.

Our youngest brother, this was taken during my 18th birthday. As we were talking thoughts like how can I help in providing for my little brother’s future, what sacrifices will I be able to do or willing to do so that I can keep giving my family the comfort that we are accustomed, because my parents are not getting younger.

My grandfather came to Manila because he needs to have an eye surgery, during this whole time I had the longest bonding I had with the both of them. I would often go straight into their bedroom after coming from school. My grandfather is really an admirable Man for me. He is from Davao del Norte his family had a good life, they were studying in a good school his teachers were german priest they even own a land in ilo-ilo but it somehow was taken from them because his father died, he had to work for him, his mother and siblings. He found job away from his family’s hometown he was even asked by his Japanese Employer to go to Japan because he was a good employee an expert on woods, until he met my grandmother and fell in-love he choose to stay. In Filipino term “nanindigan” my grandfather proved that he was capable of loving and providing for my grandmother and their future children, because during that time my grandmother’s parents did not approved of him because my grandfather was petite for men’s standard and he cannot walk properly (my mother would say it was due to the snake that bit him). I am proud and happy that I have him as my grandfather because he is not only wise, but he is also kind, loving, and he is quiet yet he knows how to speak well in defending and giving his stance.

My future family development plan

1. The person I will marry – is a man that is wise, quiet yet he speaks his mind well enough, he has this attitude of “panindigan”, not easily persuaded. He will present his self to my family and earn my family’s trust and approval especially my grandfather, uncle, brother and father. He is the kind of man that shares the same faith and value as the one that i have learned. He must be God-Fearing and have the sense of Fidelity.

2. The person I have become – is a confident person, confident that I can give love and that I will be able to give back love because I know its truest and purest meaning and manifestation. A person that is not insecure about other people so that I will be able to give the same confidence in my relationships. A person that is able to handle herself and is successful enough wherein she is able to give to her family and enjoy life before settling down. A person who wise enough to be able to distinguish the things to understand and the things to disregard in life. A person that is able to give and not just receive. A person that is not selfish but is willing to give even though she knows that certain things won’t go as plane and that certain people will not give the same intensity of love  as she have given them. Importantly a person who always grateful because she knows that God will not let go of her hands and until the end God will help, guide and protect her.

3.  The children and family rules- will have 3 children, their will be 5 years of spacing, the method use will be the natural method proposed by the church. The names i would like them to have is if it is the first boy i would like it to have its father’s name, if it is a girl then i think Thesalonica. Desirable characteristic is that he, she or they should be happy and will be able to lead other people not because they are just intelligent but because they touch people’s hearts. I would like for him, her or they to learn at least piano or violin, school choices as much as possible I would him, her or they to study in the same institutions I studied. 
           The family rules will be that they have to be accustomed to the Filipino of giving respect which “nagmamano”, next they will be given simple household chores so that they will be able to learn and be accustomed to responsibilities but i would like them to give their focus on their studies and not give them too much household chores (no gadgets until the weekend), another is that we need to eat, pray and sleep together, next is that we should create memories especially the happy memories.

4. Midlife Plans – during this time I would like to spend my days with my spouse quietly and peacefully taking care of him or paying attention to him especially in case that he needs me most, volunteering in voluntary works, participating in Couples Christ, if face with the possibility of being widowed I think I would face it with great faith and acceptance I will not leave his side until the end but if time comes that I have to let him go to be with God then I will freely do so without a heavy heart. Honestly I would not like to be a burden to my future children, I do not like for them to see that I am suffering, I want them to see a parent that is strong so that they too will be strong. 

“The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,but true beauty in a Woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she knows.” 

Audrey Hepburn

5. Old Age and Retirement Plan – i would like to spend my days hanging-out with my grandchildren sharing stories and laughing with them, after that I would like to baked cookies with them and teach them how to cook. I would like to give them advice when they need it or even if they don’t I will just relate it into stories and experiences of my generation. On weekends or in the afternoon while they are in their schools I will go and serve the church rather than just attending mass, I would also like to bring my grandsons/granddaughters in the church not to attend the mass but serve the church by being a part of alter servers or even readers in the mass. For me I think a person gracefully age when she accepts that she is aging as time goes by, that nature is just taking its course as the elders of her generation passed before her, she should have been able to live life with no regrets, saying whatever she wants to say not because she wants to hurt another person but because she is not restricted by anyone’s opinion, travel to places and explore the world and be able to help those in need. 

6. Last Will –
A. My properties will be divided equally to my children and this will be pass down to my grandchildren. 
B. My Sisters will have all of my jewelries
C. My brother will mediate all the transaction done in implementing my last will and testament.
D. Half of the money from the estate sold will go to the sisters of charity the other half will be given to the chosen charity of my spouse.

when i pass away i would like it to be written as “The mother of ____ and the wife of ___ who has been the daughter of _____ has passe on ____.” Just as simple as that.

In my tombstone “Here lies the body of a women who fought and love until the end, and by God’s will has live her life to the fullest and without fear returns to her creator’s side”.